Tools For Change: The Main Ingrediant

In our fast-paced world of trend, immediate results, and fast-food mentality, one would think that there are tons of useful books, videos and Tv shows that can solve our problems. Apparently, this is not so, for I see new products and methods on the market all the time. It makes me wonder why, for I have read some of them, and they all seem to have some valid points. Well, I have a theory.

What is the one constant in all these self-help rituals? You, of course. So instead of trying to change your clothing, hair, or other surface 'artifacts'- environment alone- or trying to change your comfortable way of thinking- I am suggesting that we change our view of things instead.

The most damaging is how we view ourselves. Do we we see ourselves as winners, losers, victims? As a catalyst for change, or a repository for misery? Where did we get these self-conceptions, and why?

In my life, I discovered that I have many 'knee-jerk' attitudes- that is, I react automatically to some stimulus, but I really don't know why I do it. If you had to explain, you would be puzzled. Somehow, these ideas became our dogma, and we can't place the source.

My first real experience with this came when a celebrity was mentioned. Actually, I recall it was Mr. T. I began to ridicule Mr T. for his jewlry, wearing a weight lifting belt, etc. My friend pointed out all the good works Mr. T has done....and, I immediatly wanted to defend my position, yet I had no position. I merely spurted out what I said, with no real thought or insight. This gave me something to think about. After careful thinking, I realized that I had heard these remarks from a friend years before. I didn't bother to research Mr. T, or think about him myself. It was easier to allow my friend to create my opinions for me. In later years, I found many interesting and inspirational things about Mr. T, when I bothered to look for myself.

Childhood is another breeding ground for these reactions. We react to things, people and situations that are no longer applicable. We are still relieving the pain or experience, even though the reasons are no longer valid. For example, I was adopted. Most of my relatives never seemed to mind, but I had one Uncle- my favorite Uncle when I was young- that seemed to enjoy letting me know that I was different, that I was out of place. For a long time, I had real issues about acceptance and betrayal due to this man. It took years of realizing that his views were no longer true, that they were simply his opinions, and it was a closed issue. The man is dead now, yet at times I can still feel his cold, icy fingers reaching up from the grave! My sense of feeling that bad things happen to me and I have to take it for some kind of attonement come from this man. Yet, the experiences of mychildhood stopped being valid when I broke free of my attatchment to him, and realized he was treating me differently. He was no longer my favorite Uncle, but I still acted on the venom he planted in me for decades to come!

I still have revelations regarding my thoughts and actions. And, in the end, we really control so little of our lives. We think we do, but really, we don't. One of the few things we can do is adjust what we say and do. By that, I mean living in the moment, right now. What you say and do affects others, and for that you are responsible! First, be good to yourself. After all, this is your vehicle, your vessel here on earth. Try to be a person of character, say and do the right things. When you don't know, say so! If you do, act on it! Be somebody you would folow, would trust and look up to. Try. I will if you will.